“I’m telling you right now… This movie is going to be shot in first person.”

If I wanted to watch a movie made completely from a first-person view, with shaky footage that makes me nauseous, I’d just watch the original shaky-ass film: The Blair Witch Project.

Netflix is full of great scary movies; but I often find that the synopses all sound pretty similar.

  • “Group of pals go to haunted mental institution. Ghosts haunt them.”
  • “Guy’s wife dies. Ghosts haunt apartment.”
  • “Girl goes back to childhood home. Ghosts haunt her.”
  • “Guy promises to clean asbestos out of mental institution in one week. Until ghosts haunt crew and delay work.”

I mean there’s only so much you can say without giving too much away. I understand.

Greystone Park (2012) and Apartment 143 (2011) are a couple of movies that embraced that first-person filming. I’m sorry, but I HATE this way of filming movies. I get it… but I hate it. I don’t want to watch a movie this is shot by someone who does not have a steady hand (and they never do). I especially dont want to watch a movie through mounted cameras that don’t move at all. Paranormal Activity made this really popular, and everyone and their brother has since jumped on the train.

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Apartment 143 was your standard “my apartment is being haunted; someone in my family recently died; and I need a professional crew of ghost hunters to come film shit and solve the mystery” type of movie. The most hilarious thing about this movie is that the scariest scene is literally the last 2 seconds of the film. I mostly just made jokes about the movie throughout, and tried to decide in my head whether the leading fella was attractive or not (kinda looks like the poor man’s Andrew “Clutterbuck” Lincoln). And then the last 2 seconds just left me sitting still in fear.

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Greystone Park was directed by Sean Stone, son of American director Oliver Stone. Oliver Stone directed classics such as PlatoonNatural Born Killers, and Wall Street. You know what Sean didn’t inherit from his father? Directing abilities.

I just want a scary movie to be unique and surprise me. I rave about Insidious because, to me, it was unique. Greystone Park is all about a group of friends going to a haunted mental institution. Do they have an end game? No, not really. Unless you call running around a mental institution trying not to get arrested an “end game.” Oliver Stone was a cameo in the movie. That was cool. The rest of the acting was awful.

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I must say, a big old psychiatric hospital is visually appealing.

I should also probably mention that I’m not entirely sure where the movie ultimately went because I fell asleep. That fact alone says it all.

I checked out Sean Stone on IMDB. I don’t want to just tool on the kid. He’s 28 and following his dreams, and that’s a great thing. But I have a feeling he gets gigs because of his dad, and not because he’s at the top of his game. That’s just a feeling, and I should check out the rest of his stuff before I say much more. But his dad straight up threw Sean in his movies when he was a baby.

I’m keeping my eyes on you, Sean…

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About sheedzor2390

My parents let me watch just about whatever I wanted as a tot. Let me tell you, watching The Exorcist at 7-years-old will make you tough as nails. I believe I am better for it. One of my life goals is to be in a crappy, low-budge horror flick. The best time of year? Halloween, when all the best of the worst movies are played. My Netflix suggestions? Macabre. Romantic comedies? Kafkaesque. On the other hand, I do enjoy a good romantic tragedy.
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One Response to “I’m telling you right now… This movie is going to be shot in first person.”

  1. noreen sheedy says:

    u really oughtta do this professionally. you’re hysterical! and at the same time, accurate! it’s high time a beautiful blonde chick critiques cinema….im sure ebert (may he rip) would concur.

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